weird train guys strikes again !!!

Well I know I haven’t blogged for a bit and yes I know I promised I would do it more but if its quiet its quiet !!!
Spent the last two days shovelling snow and ice from the platforms , and the majority of customers have thanked me for doing it ….

Now our friend “weird train guy” put in an appearence yesterday just as they cancelled his train!! And yes I did have a sneaky chuckle!! So off he went into the booking hall and he thinks I didn’t notice ….but I did !! The cheeky git helped himself to a cup of coffee and didn’t put any money in the box the tight git !!!

I have saved the best til last ….. He came to the window with that stupid lop sided grin and pipes up. ” I could do with borrowing your urn”. …”Why” I pipes up…. Wait for it ……..
“Cos I want to boil my ducks”!!!!! WTF!!! Turns out he wants to boil them then cover them in wax!!!!!
Is this some strange fetish??
Who knows but ur not doing it with my bloody urn matey !!!!!

So if you see me muttering and mumbling flinging snow and sprinkling granules say hello … Don’t just grunt and walk by !!

daft kind of week!!

Been a strange old week… been very busy as it would appear because of the hastings line being shut they cant park at ashford so end up at me!!! little old pluckers, still good for me keeps the old sales figures up!!

Would you believe it ..weird train guy has got a new coat!!!! …i bet he got it for christmas cos he would never voluntarily pay for a new coat!! 

Have had two visits from weird train girl this week….uneventful  really except she missed the train on her second visit which always is entertaining as the shopping bag is flung down , followed by a flurry of swear words ..ahh bless her!!

Friday the 13th..how was it for you???

i managed to get locked out the office as the lock had jammed on the door so it was fortunate i could dash up the platform and get in via the back door as it was, just unfortunate it was -2 on friday so brrrrrr!!

Had a strange episode which didnt happen at pluckley but between pluckley and ashford where a woman decided to lay down across the rails……….was asleep with legs across the live rail as train approached ??? un feckin believable!! ….not an injury on her so i think someone was smiling down on her and all she was worried about was she had lost her phone??!!!!!!  unbelievable not a thought about how the train driver would be seeing her laying there………selfish..grrrr

 

Is that time of the year….!

Well here we go again folks..its that time of the year when the big fat man in the red suit appears and leaves lots of lovely presents……hopefully!!!

Luckily no more appearances from cycle hat man thank goodness….hope his wife, (yes he does have a wife!) gets him some soap and deodrant for christmas??!! Weird train girl burst through the door all of a fluster last week rushing to catch her train…… when it happened!!

She was in such a rush she dropped her purse and the entire contents spilled all over the floor!! pound coins were happily rolling around as they do going in there own little direction!!! The shopping bag (tartan one!) was launched across the booking hall as i sat mesmerised as she dashed around picking up all her money!!  How i kept a straight face i will never know as she is always a constant source of entertainment!!

Had some moron decide to smash one of my windows last week…why??? whats the point???  it must entertain them somehow but i fail to see it.  Im the muppet who ends up sweeping up all the glass…grrrr

I was quite happily de icing the platforms yesterday, well as happily as you can when it’s -5 when i saw it……  I was on platform 2 and there it was … i wonder if you can all guess????

“the phanthom crapper” had been to visit…oh yes he is an elusive character and seems to make his way up and down the line crapping as he goes!!

Well they were brave dropping there trousers in that cold weather!!… but now i had to remove it!!  Which plan of action should i use???  couldnt use the bucket of water to chase it down the platform…too icy.  Ok now going on the basis it was -5 was a good chance would be frozen!!!

So off it toddled to go and get my trusty shovel… not my new one of course but old faithful which is kept for just an occasion…  So one firm scoop of the shovel and it was gone!! but where had it gone??? yep you guessed it into the coal yard onto the big pile of coal …… lets hope they never realise it was me that flung it so shhhhhhhh  dont tell!!

It’s also that time of year when the great travelling public venture out on the annual pilgrimage to london. I lost count of how many times i asked “do you need the underground as well” and the amount of times said no, then 5 minutes later come back and go “can i change these for the underground as well”….grrrrrrrrr

So if you are one of these unfortunate souls that is on an annual pilgrimage please make sure you know what bloody ticket you want…………..

 

But anyway would like to wish you all a very merry christmas and a very happy new year!!   I will be back in the new year with more fun and adventures….

funny old week !!

Well what a funny week its been hectic at the beginning and slightly quieter towards the end with a sprinkling of hilarity in between !!

Had the usual characters , weird train girl muttering cos she gotta go to job centre and weird train guy who hasn’t been quite sure if to say hello or not!! Didn’t think I was that scary ?? Or am I !! No don’t answer that!!
Was cheered up by a rare sighting these days of “captain caveman” !! He has a girlfriend!! But still can’t manage to brush his hair!
Now for those of you who have followed the “weird train guy” blog excellently written by one of my customers you will have heard of “cycle helmet man”!!
Now he doesn’t appear very often but when he does it is unforgettable for couple of reasons, 1 he has straggly beard and smells and 2 he is so god dam rude.
I remember having him arrested twice once when I was a guard and once when I worked on the platform for his aggressive behaviour.
He appeared this morning and was his usual rude self, so just got on and served him and ignored his comments. It was then he decided to plonk himself in the booking hall to wait for his train… It was then that I smelt it… My god he couldn’t have washed for about a month the smell was stomach churning…the other customers had discreetly left the booking hall but I had to go out to bring the urn in.
The smell was overpowering I thought I was gonna gag there and then so quickly dashed back to the office . “What do I do ??” Luckily only had 5 mins to go before I closed so waited then took deep breath and ventured into the ticket office, where had he gone ??? Then it dawned on me he had gone to use the loo !!! OMG NOOOO I was bursting to go!!
Well there was no way I was gonna use it after him. He came back out and I hurriedly told him I needed to close , so off he went and I hastily squirted half a can of air freshener round the booking hall !!!
Was a quick dash home after I had finished to use the loo…hmmm must remember to keep it locked from now on ….just in case !!!

how naughty of me…

Well hello followers i feel i have neglected you all…….

Well this week has been a funny old week as usual..!!

Tuesday was not a good day but hey ho we got through it ..kept all the customers informed and they were ok but in he walked……yep you guessed it “weird train guy”…… “where’s my train to sturry”? he piped up….afraid you haven’t got one as sevenoaks tunnel is shut at moment should have a train about 07.45…so off he toddled.

Ok  so back he came … unfortunately what happened at canterbury happened and there was nothing we could do about it ….so in he comes with his stupid gaze on his face and head to one side all sarcastic…..  ”wheres my train then”??? he pipes up…. so had the task of telling him much to my delight your train will only go as far as ashford…. the look on his face was classic as he swiped his delay repay form …”what a muppet” but is it a moral thing do you claim………he would…

Ok  so its that time of year when those pesky little beggars start falling from the trees….yep you guessed it it’s that time of year…

So off out onto the platform i go armed with broom, snow shovel and bags…why the snow shovel you ask??  perfect for scooping up the leaves…….

just swept up the leaves into the pile and whoosh train shoots through the platform and bloody leaves everywhere ..grrrrrrr

The highlight of my day had to be one of the college kids racing for the 09.21 train….. i was in the booking hall wiping up the spills from the mucky beggars spilling there coffee’s when i spotted her out the corner of my eye..  ok it was like a gazelle dashing across the car park towards the machine , well as quick as you can with a skirt as wide as a belt!!…. i went back into the ticket office and waited……… well she came dashing through and managed to catch the handle of her carrier bag on the door handle……RIIIIPPPPPPPPPPPP it went and the entire contents spilled all over the booking hall floor..classic as i piped up “you ok”….course she wasnt!!!!!  oh i love my job………………………………

Blimey!!!

Hello everyone,  :)

Cant believe how long it is since i last posted. Very sloppy on my behalf, will try to blog more i promise……

Well it would appear our character which had evolved “captain caveman” has vanished for the time being….. where has he gone i wonder??  Oh well im sure he will be back at some point. We still have our old favourites ..yep you guessed it “WTG” and “WTGIRL” and i swear they get stranger as time goes by. He is still as tight as a ducks arse and luckily he went to ashford to get his season so i didn’t have to suffer the usual 3 or 4 credit cards he uses to buy his season!!!

“WTGIRL” was moaning and groaning about having to go to the job centre and being told she has to work!!! oh the injustice of having to work for a living….. my god get in the real world and stop sponging off of taxpayers…right rant over!!

The 3 little munchkins that go through to catch the 07.29 regularly go crashing through and miss their train!!  One day they may even grow into their blazers you never know!!

We have also had “dog poo” saga!!  wow i lead an exciting life out here!! Cheeky git took his dog for a walk picked up its crap then left it by my bin until i caught him on the cctv!! Had an old dear come in for her new railcard and train ticket on weds. Served her then she said “it is thursday today isnt it”? Told her “nope its wednesday” to which she replied “oh bugger ive got up on the wrong morning”!!!!!!!…bless her!

Still at least my day improved after having been soaked as i walked out the door then ripped my trousers on the chair!!!!

Never mind onwards and upwards and off to do some peer training for the updates on the machines on odd days so change of scenery and who knows may meet some more characters along the way……..

 

what a start to the week!!!

Now for those of you who have read my last blog will know about our new character who has evolved who is called “captain caveman”!!!

Well he put in a fine performance this morning…..  The 08.09 train had arrived in the platform, everybody got on and just as the doors started to close…… yep you guessed it “captain caveman” makes a mad sprint out of mummies car to try and catch the train. Not a hope in hell did he have of getting it….lol

As he crashed through at full speed legs flailing in all directions i did notice he had actually brushed his hair but the “fluff” was still on his chin..lol.

Well the language was very strong as you can imagine with quite a few expletives, then what he did next had me in fits!!! He flung his bag down and proceeded to leap up and down still swearing!!!  The vision that flashed through my mind was of the one and only “Basil Fawlty”!!!!!!!

He never did come back through the booking hall…………….

So keep watching this space to keep up to date with the exploits of “captain caveman”….  :)

An interesting week i think!!!!

Well i have been naughty and have not blogged for a while but if nothing happens then i cant blog…lol    :)

But finally i have had such a funny week!!

We seem to have had a new character evolve this week i will call him “captain caveman” ! Now he is early twenties and clearly lives at home with mummy and daddy. He has the most wild caveman hair and fluff on his chin, that if he got caught in a strong breeze would blow clean off his chin, but he thinks he looks cool!!!!

He came in first with “daddy” on monday….. daddy paid for his ticket after trying to explain which ticket he needed but it really wasn’t sinking in with either of them. Never the less daddy paid then proceeded to straighten his collar and ask if he had brushed his teeth??!!!!  Then hugged and kissed him in front of everyone in the booking hall much to our amusement…

Tuesday he ran through at the last-minute quite honestly like a girlie!! He wears these skinny fit jeans which when you have seriously twiggy legs like his look funny!! Briefcase flapping wildly and the mop of caveman hair just stationary on his head!!!!

Wednesday he came in with mummy….. now i think this was the funniest especially when she straightened his collar, asked if he had brushed his teeth and “don’t forget ive packed your lunch in your bag and don’t forget ive put you a hairbrush in so make sure you brush your hair”!!!!!! Then proceeding to smother him in kisses and hug him in front of everyone again…..!!!!  Thursday and Friday he has just crashed his way through briefcase flapping and hair in caveman style!!!!  I think we may have more adventures with this one!!

Now to my encounter with my personal favourite “weird train girl”……

Now she hasn’t give me much to blog about of late but she did today….  Now she only lives yards from the station but in she came out of breath and cutting it fine for the 10.21….  She had the usual sensible shopping bag which i did note was a new one….. and a carrier bag…

“return to Ashford please” she pipes up in an out of puff way….£3.60 i say cheerfully, well what happened next was soooo funny i don’t know how i kept a straight face.  Horror she couldn’t find what she had done with her money, she shook an envelope that had money and bills in which she must have been going to Ashford to pay, then it happened….. the envelope split depositing all her money in the bottom of her sensible shopping bag… the announcement came about the train approaching platform 2……. she scrabbled about and threw £4 on the counter…..then grabbed her ticket and went to grab her bags………. well the carrier bag got caught on the handle of the bench and RRRIIIIPPPPPP contents all over the floor of the booking hall…now bear in mind the train is now in the platform!!!!  She scoops up the contents and made a frantic dash for the door bouncing off it as she went…… Well all i can say is the language was foul but with it hilarious as she started shouting at the speaker doing the announcements. But what puzzles me is why does she carry a bog roll with her ?????  Which managed to half unravel across the booking hall so if you can picture it in your mind you will know why i tried desperately to keep a straight face….

Still until next time people…………………..  

 

 

Was an adventure today…!!

Was an adventure today…!!.

Was an adventure today…!!

Well what can i say…. what an entertaining morning i had today and busy one…

Due to staff shortage i.e  member of staff having a well earned holibobs i was asked to go to staplehurst for the early turn….

It was fine not a problem…had to get up bit earlier but off  i went…  arrived fine got in ok and opened up ready for the hordes…and in they came.

Now don’t get me wrong was going fine as all the regulars know what they want and where they were going so once i had set up fav fares …no worries.

The thing that tickled me was the amount of cars that screech to a halt with a leg or possibly 2 legs poking out of a passenger door of a car as they dash in ..but wait they still have time to get a paper as they dash through like things possessed..  :)  classic dont get that at my “mylittlestation”!!!!

Now i have seen the other side of people today who do not frequent “mylittlestation” very often…. I have the regulars who i know what they want before they speak and the regulars who love a chat and that has to be said is 99% who i love having a good old chat with.. then you get the ones who don’t travel very often…ok i know perhaps they are unsure but is there a need to be so “bloody” rude when all i’m trying to do is help you??…. classic example was woman today wanted 4 adults 4 kids travelcards so sorted it all out and it tallied with what she had got off the “internet” waited til i issued them all then pipes up “oh i wanted them for tomorrow”!!!!! FFS beam me up ..so with gritted teeth sorted it out..!

Only bugger was “WTgirl” got on my train home…..tried to read my paper but no she plonked herself down and piped up “not at pluckley today then”!!!  no course im not that why im on the train at this time of day!!…ohhhh beam me up still back to pluckers in the morning……yesssss!!!